Neuroses and Nymphets

Well, it’s almost summertime, and summertime means I do lots of reading. Especially at the beach. That’s my favorite. No beach yet, but I do have a whole stack o’ books from Amazon to read, and one of them is Pale Fire by Vladimir Nabokov. Intending to read that made me think about last summer when I read Lolita, Mr. Nabokov’s most famous novel.

I think Vlad was quite ahead of his time when he used the term “nymphet” and chronicled Humbert Humbert’s obsession with a tweenage girl. Bear with me as this train of thought leaves the station. Lolita was written in 1955. The first supermodel, Twiggy (sorry Janice Dickinson, but you know I’m right.), rose to fame in 1966. She changed the shape of modeling with her thin, androgynous look, which has been prominent in high fashion ever since. Models have long been considered the ideals of beauty in our society—though many today would argue that statement. Could Nabokov have predicted that, fifty years after the publication of his novel, the world would be populated by Humbert Humberts? Popular culture and the media are currently obsessed with androgynous stick people; these people are nymphets.

Kind of sickening, right? Lolita is scandalous specifically because it is so bizarre that a man could be obsessed with an age and a shape that has not yet become truly female. You see, a “nymphet” (according to Nabokov) describes not only a girl between 9 and 14 years of age, but also one whose figure is decidedly undeveloped.

Have you seen some of those models? Often they enter the industry in their early teens, around 12 or 14 years of age. After their adolescence, models (and celebrities) are under constant pressure to maintain the same body type they had when they were pre-pubescent.

Now, Twiggy was naturally thin. Some people are. There is nothing wrong with that. Also, as an artistic individual, I understand that clothes hang better on people who are shaped like rectangles. They stay nice and smooth. I understand why fashion designers might prefer slender models. There is something wrong, however, when society pressures all women to adhere to a body type that is not their own natural shape. Most women are shaped like, well, women. There are most likely curves involved.

Now, ask most people off the street, and they will tell you that they like curvy women (and I’m talking about women AND men). Soooo…why is nothing being done about it? Why are celebrity gossip magazines constantly criticizing celebrities in bikinis (a la Jennifer Love Hewitt)? Why does America’s Next Top Model constantly flip-flop between thinking plus-sized models are acceptable or the bane of the industry?

Sometimes my dad is forced to watch ANTM against his will. Whenever this happens, he always says, “The only people who are trying to force women to be stick-people are other women and gay men—who don’t even like women!” (He says this because he is a good daddy who makes his daughters feel secure about themselves, though he is entirely un-PC.) I think he has a point.

Let’s spread the love. Let’s value actresses (excuse me, “female actors”) for their acting ability and let them take their vacations in peace. Let’s like ourselves and our shapes, whatever they may be. It’s not going to happen unless the common people stop paying attention to US Weekly and stop using the word “skinny” a compliment*.

And when we do that, maybe we can conquer the evil that is bikini waxing.

*Positive adjectives for your convenience: slender, svelte, lean, lithe, willowy, and trim.